maybe i'm just becoming jaded in my slightly older age. but i just don't believe in things like fate and destiny anymore.
because if there were things like fate and destiny sarah mclachlan would have been nicer. she would have not scheduled her texas dates on july 22.
and fate has led you through it
you do what you have to do...
or that the B-side of the fallen single would have been any song except for answer.
The lonely light of morning
The wound that would not heal
It's the bitter taste of losing everything
That I've held so dear.
who said it first? who said it last? when was the last time it was spoken ... "i was always comfortable with you." and does it matter anymore. really. to me to you. cause sometimes i think it does and sometimes it scares the shit out of me that i can talk to you openly despite all the bullshit we put it each other through.
cause see sometimes i think it was easier the year we spent apart, when i could pretend it was something close to mistake. and when i told myself i never really loved you anyway and you eventually blended into a just another face in the crowd.
i forgave and forgot until all those memories became part of a past that was fuzzy at best.
and then the world sorta tilted again. and it was you and me arguing and laughing and just being our usual jackass selves without the other crap. without the resentment, without the anger, the pettiness and of course without whatever tangles of a "relationship."
and i think i fucking hate the fact that i still feel (felt - god know its changes all the damn time) comfortable with you. aside from broken hearts and bruised egos you were still the girl i fell in love with. and no matter how comfortable i am that lingers with me. it makes me uncomfortable.
and this bond, i think, it tears me up inside sometimes. because there are moments when i feel floundering, and moments when i feel like i'm talking to a very good friend, and moments when from out of nowhere or at least a very dark place a stab of jealousy rips through me.
see there still these moments that still remain precious despite of everything. moments that never weathered and remained "ours." i'm very protective of those moments. even when i whited-out the 2 year history with you those places/times/feelings remained hilighted. the resturant. the bridge. the pond.
But if in some dream there was brightness
If in some memory some sort of sign
And flesh be revived in the shadows
Blessed our bodies would lay so entwined
two years of love. over a years worth of hate (for the lack of an appropriate term though this one maybe correct). and a half of year of building a friendship. how do you build a friendship of the ashes of all the bridges we burnt? have i ever said i'm sorry for all the things i did out of hurt? have you? does it matter or is it one of the things that between us can remain unsaid but understood.
we know each other inside and out. time did alot to us but it didn't take that.
how ironic is it that sarah will be peforming on what would have been our four year anniversy. (how said is that i can remember.) she played a role in the developing of our relationship in the first place. and until i heard "stupid" there was no song by her that fit what i felt for you.
i'm not in love with you, and time has weathered what those words meant in regards to you. but i love you for all the millions of reasons why i could never be in love you. and i like you for all the reasons i don't love you.
there is no easy clear cut definition just a faded brighly colored picture. and these words dont make sense. except for
created an oasis
