so i've been thinking about saturday's conversation.

and i have switched from patty griffin to matchbox 20.

my music fits my moods.

i fought the urge to call her today. i succeeded. (and if i don't charge my phone i cant call anybody)

woke up. brushed teeth. running. come home. shower. lunch at the coffeehouse. work. dinner break. stare at the phone. make plans for wednesday. search for car in parking lot. come home. check email. shower. make tea. think.

*sigh* what am i writing here?

i feel like i am on the outside looking in. 48 hours later trying to make some sense of the reasons an dthe opinions the questions and the answers.

but my secret was that i liked you. and i think your reasoning stinks. maybe if i said it enough i would believe it. but i'm not you. and i know. there was a past in your eyes. a present in your touch. and all that made for unclear future.

i was the new. she was the old. and you were torn in between. you said i was a passion you had never had before.

i'm nervous about seeing you again.

i think i knew things were different when i kissed you. for me. and in me.

i think when we kissed you i knew for the very fist time that i had let go of so many demons and baggage that i had used as airbags against collisions.

why is it so important to kiss goodbye, when the next time i see you .. it's as friends??

And that’s all that I need, yeah
Someone else to cling to, yeah
Someone I can lean on
Until I don’t need to
Just stay all through the night
In the morning let me down
Cause that’s all that I need right now

why can't i be the tough little tomboy emotionally?

it's so cold tonight.

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